Opinions
Opinions… the bane of our lives. They can be so debilitating and so negative, yet also so invigorating and personal — the opinion maketh the man! In school, children learn the difference between fact and opinion. They learn how to formulate their own opinions about other people’s opinions and they learn that there is a difference between scientific facts and human points of view. They learn about stories and fables, newspaper articles and scientific journal papers. They learn to fabricate their own stories and to give their views about fascinating topics. That is life.
That is also a good thing and part of personal development and the ability to discern what is true and not — for oneself and others. Yet again, what is the truth? Is it what we read and see all around us? Usually what we read and see all around us has been formulated by other human beings! Even the Bible is a huge tome of opinions! And that, my friend, is MY opinion!
Opinions Defined
What is an opinion exactly? The esteemed Miriam-Webster dictionary defines opinion as “a view, judgment, or appraisal formed in the mind about a particular matter” or “a belief stronger than impression and less strong than positive knowledge” or “a generally held view”. That makes lots of sense to a human like me.
Then again, the founder of the Isha Foundation, Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev, has been teaching yoga for decades and spreading his spiritual awareness far and wide. He notes:
“Have you met one human being on this planet who happens 100% the way the way you want them to happen? It doesn’t matter. No one happens your way in the world and it’s all right. This one person must happen your way. If this person is happening the way you want them to happen your life is wonderful. Once your life is wonderful you naturally exude that in everything you do.”
So, when we like what others think of us, we feel good about ourselves. And if someone does not like us or something we said, we feel less than human. Why do we do this? Is it possible to be free of opinions, and points of view? Is it possible to remain unruffled by what others think about you and what you think of others? Why do we get triggered by other people and their thoughts, feelings, and opinions?
Sadhguru reiterates that it is possible to be unaffected by others’ opinions about you. “Right now, you are a consequence of other people’s opinions. Where do you plan to go like this? It’s very important we listen to everybody because we could be doing something wrong but what they say will not determine how I am never, ever.”
Did you catch the irony? People tend to listen to everyone around them and fear being wrong and fear not fitting in and fear being the freak in the room. But Sadhguru says that what people say will never determine what HE IS, never, ever! And he is urging us to try it too. It takes years of self-work, self-knowledge, and self-confidence to be able to ignore the opinions of others.
Opinion and Ego
I strongly believe that it is all linked to the Ego. And so does Steve Stein, Founder of BetterListen! & WisdomFeed. He reminds us that the ego is all about the conscious individual, personality, and the individual’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. A person with low self-esteem may feel flayed by others’ opinions, triggered, and hurt. But what does it matter in the great scheme of life?
“In any conflict, it is easy to take sides, to choose a winner and a loser, someone or something we may find more worthy of winning in the inevitable struggle for life, love, or success. We may prefer our opinions to others, or our family to strangers, in the same way that we would prefer the growth of a garden we cultivated to the deer that may enjoy a meal from it. The difference in the deer and us is that the deer doesn’t carry its own self-consciousness around with it. The deer doesn’t think about being hungry, wondering what it should eat, or fretting about if he should eat from your garden. The deer simply sees food, and eats. There is no malice in the deer eating. It is keeping balance.”
Learn About Yourself and Just Be
So, what is the trick to avoid feeling battered by opinions wherever you go? It takes a deeper mental awareness to know in the end that caring about what other people think really does NOT matter. They can think what they want, and why not? Just let them live along their path — as long as it is not hateful, unkind, dirty, or prejudiced, says I!
So, I read Sara Katherine’s blog and agreed wholeheartedly with her words and inner wisdom.
“The reason why you’re seeking approval from others? You crave external validation. You cannot find approval within yourself in order to confidently make decisions to reach your goals. The good news? You don’t have to accept those fears. You don’t have to accept that you constantly care about what other people think.”
Spot on Sarah Katherine! When we are growing up with our parents, they may be very opinionated and we are forced to say and do things that align with their beliefs. As we mature and break away into our own thought patterns and start to read more and learn more about the world around us, we have every right to form our own views and opinions about things and we may well disagree with our parents.
But does that make them wrong and us right? NO! Be brave, have an opinion but the trick is this: keep it to yourself. The trouble starts when we bandy our opinions around and think that we are the best in the world, and our egos are shining down on everyone else around us!
On the other side of the coin, it is fine to have an opinion and to voice it. Those who love you and know you well will understand. They will silently listen and observe you as you grow and mature and learn that opinions really do NOT matter. They may feel anger towards you and discomfort at your views but if they love you they will support you through this personal growth phase.
Katherine notes that anyone who doesn’t accept our opinion, who tries to manipulate you to think otherwise or will not let it go does not have your best intentions in mind. “In fact, I highly recommend rethinking having this type of person in your life. It’s vital for your mental health, your overall well-being, and your approach to life to not have toxic relationships that try to bring you down when you’re simply trying to live a life that feels right for YOU.”
The Yin and Yang of Life
Amazing, everything is life has two sides to it — the Yin and the Yang. All things in the universe exist as intertwined and yet completely separate — they attract and repel at the same time. Good and evil, tall and short, wise and foolish, hot and cold! This creates balance, believe it or not.
As humans, we all need to accept this and accept the shadow sides of every person we meet. It is better to be balanced in our outlooks. Everyone has a colourful past, and a story to tell. We will never know what someone else went through to get to a place where their opinions are rock solid to them and yet, not to others. Opinions come from a place of growth, of past traumas and experiences, of past exuberances and joys too!
“What happens when someone asks for your opinion? You take your own experiences, emotions, and beliefs to form your own opinion. The same happens when you approach other people, or when other people give you their unsolicited opinions. They’re simply projecting everything about their own lives onto whatever you’re doing in your life. How does that validate your decisions as right or wrong? How does that determine they’re allowed to tell you what to do and how to think? It doesn’t.” Thanks Sara Katherine!
I would like to conclude with the wise words from Steve Stein:
“Recognize that it is adversity that makes us stronger. The person at work giving you a hard time is your greatest teacher. We shouldn’t take for granted that we too have flaws and may be blind to particular issues or needs we may not have experienced. We need to listen to others, empathetically. Remember that without someone to disagree with, you wouldn’t be able to fully articulate your own opinions. Take a moment and thank those people who challenge you, and quietly offer them a blessing of appreciation. While at times we may feel threatened by opinions different from ours, we are not lesser beings because of these opinions. We are simply being given an opportunity for personal growth.”
Yes, it is time to find your soul, leave the ego behind, and find your true purpose in life — in wholesome acceptance of what IS, and whatever shall be. Be strong in who you are and the rest will fall into place. Amen.
“How would your life be different if…You stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions? Let today be the day…You stand strong in the truth of your beauty and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others.”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
